Under the porches without a father

(PLVN) - Everyone wants to have a family full of love from parents. But with today's open life, in many families in Vietnam, the image of the father is gradually lacking. This leaves a void in the hearts of mothers and young children.

When the burden falls on the mother's shoulders

Entering the house of several dozen square meters of Ms. Nguyen An Mai (born in 1988, living in Cau Giay area, Hanoi ), everyone is surprised to see a child of about three or four years old playing and sleeping by herself, not whining or making trouble. Ms. Mai has been a single mother for nearly three years now. She is living with her young daughter in a rented room in a dormitory for students.

The room is about 25 square meters, where mother and son eat, sleep, cook, and do personal activities. The area is almost not enough for her son to be messy and mischievous like other children of the same age. Ms. Mai shared: “I am an office worker, before having children, my income was not too high, but enough for me to have a comfortable life shopping, going out, traveling and sending a little back to my parents in the countryside”.

About three years ago, Ms. Mai dated a long-time friend. After a period of dating, Ms. Mai discovered that she was pregnant and wanted to build a happy family with her boyfriend. But the “playboy” who had promised her so many things in the past, now turned around and left, denying his responsibility. Unable to bear the thought of aborting the baby, she gave birth and raised the child alone.

She said that the biggest burden of being a single mother is that all the economic and educational responsibilities of the mother are shouldered by the mother. She confided: “During my pregnancy, in addition to my monthly salary from the company, I sold products online to earn extra income until I quit one month before giving birth. After my child was born, I almost cut all personal expenses to take care of my child.” She said that there were many sleepless nights, falling into a deadlock because she was worried about the future when she sent her child to daycare early so that she could return to work.

Ms. Mai said that she is planning to quit her job in the city at the end of 2025, bring her child back to her hometown, and find a job in a business area so that she can raise her child properly. She said: “The cost of living in the city is very high, not to mention that I will have to find a school for my child in the future. Without the support of my husband or my husband's family, I have to worry about everything. I want to move back to my hometown so that my parents can help me, the cost of living is lower, and working in factories will allow me to spend time in the evenings with my child and teach him when he is older.”

An Mai's family lacks the figure of a father and husband. (Photo: NVCC)

The second story belongs to Ms. Thu Thao (born in 1980, living in Hanoi), Ms. Thao met and married her first husband at a young age when both had just graduated from university. Their student love made the couple not hesitate to get married. However, facing the daily struggle for food and money, the couple gradually had conflicts. Especially after having a son together, Ms. Thao and her husband often had disagreements. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship also created invisible pressure on her life.

When her child was just 5 years old, she divorced her husband, packed her bags and returned to her mother's house, starting the life of a single mother. Being a hard-working, diligent, friendly and lovable person, she quickly got a job with a relatively good income. Her parents always supported Thao in taking care of her child. However, she did not have much time for her son. She confided: "It is difficult for a couple to raise a child together. I am alone, with elderly parents and young children. I often try my best to work, work overtime to earn more income, and save up to invest in my child's high school and university education later on."

Perhaps, because there is not enough time to be with the child regularly to confide and talk with him, there is always an invisible distance between the son and the mother. The older he gets, the more difficult it is for her to understand the thoughts of boys in puberty. Her son is also often hesitant to share the psychological and physiological changes of adolescence.

She confided: “There were times when my son’s voice changed, he was curious about his emotions and changes during puberty, but he was shy and embarrassed to share with me. My husband had not contacted me and my son for a long time. So I had to ask my younger brother to pay attention and occasionally go out and talk to my son privately, but he didn’t always have free time. Therefore, I had to observe and share with other fathers and mothers to find ways to support my son.”

Until the obsession called... marriage

An incomplete family also has a strong impact on the emotions and psychology of children when they grow up. Take for example the story of Thuy Ha (born in 1996, living in Long Bien, Hanoi). Ha said that her parents divorced when she was in high school. Instead of crying or feeling confused and worried, Ha felt extremely relieved. She shared: “Since I was a child, I often heard my parents arguing. My parents did not get along, and even did not like each other. My parents got married because of the matchmaking and urging of the two families.” After having two children together, Thuy Ha's parents separated in their own house, ate separately, slept separately and lived separately.

She confided that after her parents divorced, Ha moved back to live with her mother, and her younger sister followed her father. Since then, Ha has become a pillar of support for her mother, and she takes on most of the household chores. Ha can fix electricity, fix cars, install electronic devices, cook, clean the house, etc. Living independently has made her gradually get used to living alone, without needing a partner to support and share.

Ha said: “The image of my parents arguing loudly until midnight makes me feel very tired. I feel that my current life is very good, with a high salary, a job I love, and enough ability not to rely on anyone emotionally or materially.”

Witnessing her parents having tense conflicts before their divorce, Thuy Ha always had a fear of dating and marriage. (Photo: NVCC)

Unlike Thuy Ha, Anh Ngoc (born in 1994, living in Hanoi) has a natural desire for love. Ngoc said that her parents divorced when she was very young. Her mother stayed single and took care of her children. However, Anh Ngoc's father loved her very much, he often sent money for support, visited her and took her out on the weekends. Anh Ngoc's father himself did not remarry.

However, both Anh Ngoc's parents are busy people, often going on business trips away from home. There are months when Ngoc cannot see either of them, she is alone in the spacious house. In particular, Ngoc's father often goes on business trips far away, there are periods of several months, even half a year when father and daughter do not see each other once. Therefore, she always longs for a happy family.

This pushed Ngoc into unhealthy relationships. She confided: “I have dated many times, but only met people who were not serious in love. In fact, if someone treated me well, I would put all my hope in them. I want to marry a man who is financially stable and serious in a relationship.” Many times, Anh Ngoc was cheated of money and taken advantage of emotionally just because she wanted to be cared for and loved a lot by others, to make up for the feeling of loneliness in her family life.

“Currently, I still crave to have friends who truly love me. However, I am trying to avoid toxic relationships by screening my friends, being more conscious when dating, and avoiding self-harm,” she said.

In fact, many studies have shown that an unhappy family, lacking the warmth of a father and mother, directly affects the psychology of the child when he grows up. Children who are so blindly yearning for love can easily fall into the “traps” of scammers. On the other hand, there are children who, after growing up, become afraid of love and marriage. For many reasons, their parents have left behind scars, ugly images, and obsessions about love.

Huong Ngoc

Source: https://baophapluat.vn/duoi-nhung-hien-nha-thieu-bong-nguoi-cha-post551705.html