House repair, love repair

The story of Mr. T. and Ms. S.'s house renovation, as shared by Ms. S over a cup of coffee, is not just about house renovation. Behind the story and her sigh, we can look back at how each couple builds a family home with respect and equality.

Illustration photo.

Fix the house, fix the way of love

After thirty years of living together, Ms. S. never thought that one day she would take the initiative to renovate the old house - which she and her husband had built up during the most difficult years. The house was not big, but it was built with years of savings by two poor civil servants. From a simple, small room, one floor, to two floors, three floors. All were milestones of each stage in their married life.

Mr. T, her husband, is a careful and frugal person. With a higher income, he has been the one taking care of the big things for many years. As for her, her income is only half, so she spends her part taking care of the children, the family, and every meal and every piece of clothing. When building or renovating the house, she always stands behind, quietly, letting her husband decide on everything. From choosing bricks, what color to paint the walls to match his feng shui and aesthetic taste to the cupboards and doors, he has chosen everything with the view that everything must be sturdy and long-lasting.

This time, having just retired and having a decent pension, she wanted to renovate her living space herself – not to deny what she already had, but as a way to renew her home, making it more comfortable for her old age and for the times her children and grandchildren would come to gather. But when she started sharing ideas, choosing tile colors, kitchen cabinet styles, redesigning the interior... the house renovation became a series of "unsatisfactory meals and unsatisfactory soups".

Mr. T. wants to keep what is familiar: the heavy wooden door, faded by time, the bulky cupboard, the peeling ceramic tile floor. Partly because he doesn't want to waste, partly because it is "memory", "the result of a lifetime of saving". As for her, she just wants a more modern, bright, clean, and tidy space, where every morning she can read books, drink tea, and welcome the morning light by the window, where every evening she can lie down on the sofa and watch TV. Or she can gather with her children and grandchildren to cook and arrange flowers right in the kitchen with bright, neat ceiling and walls, no longer musty smells and dirty stains that cannot be cleaned.

Everyone has their own reasons, no one is wrong, no one is really right. But over the years, her voice in important matters seems to have never been heard. And now, when she wants to be heard, to make a decision, she is caught up in the old habits unconsciously, somewhat conservatively of her husband who is used to being the decision maker.

Ms. S.’s story is not uncommon in many families. We often talk about gender equality in terms of rigid laws. But in fact, sometimes it starts with simple things like this: should a wife have the right to choose the paint color in the house she has lived in all her life?

Respect and listening, which seem so easy, are sometimes absent in the most intimate things. Not because anyone intentionally takes advantage, but because long-standing habits silently create distance. Leaving behind silent sadness, loneliness, and alienation of women in their own homes.

But at times like these, both husband and wife look back at their egos, discuss and debate to understand, sympathize and share each other's views and interests to reach a consensus. I think, love is not about who is right or wrong, but whether we are open-minded enough to understand each other, even if it is just a brick color, a kitchen cabinet, a mirror, a new set of doors.

Outsiders only see the house renovation. But for those involved, it is an opportunity to reflect on themselves, to learn how to love each other more maturely and respect each other. At the end of the marriage road, there are not only two old, worn-out souls but also the beginning of a new life in a new house, both in terms of paint color and harmony in the way of enjoying life after many years of struggling with life.

Huong Giang
Thai Binh City

Source: https://baothaibinh.com.vn/tin-tuc/9/225604/chuyen-sua-nha-sua-cach-yeu-thuong