Many young people communicate and chat happily with friends but are afraid to talk with relatives - Illustration: WHITE CLOUD
Those were the words of Ms. Hong Tham (40 years old, living in Cu Chi district, Ho Chi Minh City) complaining about the situation where her daughter comes home and does not communicate with her family.
Dad wanted to knock over the dinner tray because you were quiet and didn't communicate.
Ms. Tham’s story is not uncommon. Many families have children who are students, college students, or even young people who have jobs, but when they come home they rarely communicate with anyone. When they enter their rooms, they are engrossed in chatting and surfing the internet.
Frustrated, Ms. Tham confided: “My daughter is in 12th grade and hardly talks to her family. When she gets home, she lies down and plays on her phone. Even though her mother has prepared dinner, she doesn’t come down to eat.”
At first, she did not want her child to use a phone early. But studying online during the pandemic in the last years of middle school forced her and her husband to buy a phone for their child to study and surf the internet to find documents.
Young people talk to their families in short sentences, using symbols... – Photo: NVCC
Then, when the child entered high school, using the phone to communicate and receive notifications from teachers and friends via Zalo groups became an essential need. But from then on, the couple noticed that the child gradually drifted away from the family.
Many times, she feels bored when she has something to text or tell her child.
“Even when I texted him asking if he would turn on the rice cooker if he got home early from school, he didn’t reply. At most, he would like it to get it over with. He never asked me back, or if he had any questions about housework, he didn’t ask,” she sighed.
However, because her child's academic performance is still good, the couple has no reason to confiscate or limit her phone use.
My child helps with housework and doesn't show any opposition to his parents, so I don't know how to help him increase his connection and communication with the family.
Socializing with friends is much more fun, while parents often scold and judge.
Although he loves his parents and sisters, TK (21 years old, living in Tan Binh district, Ho Chi Minh City) is a quiet, introverted person when he comes home. As a student, when going to school and hanging out with friends, K. is like a chirping bird, enthusiastically participating in class programs.
When his sister asked about exams and part-time jobs, K. sat engrossed in his computer, not paying attention. Only when his sister scolded him did K. answer, but with an annoyed expression.
Similarly, when her mother in the countryside video calls her to ask how she is, when she is happy she greets her mother, asks about food, the weather. When she is "unhappy", K. sits still, even though her mother asks through the phone speaker "where is K.?" she still doesn't want to answer, and makes an excuse that she is studying.
On the contrary, when communicating and chatting with friends, she talks about all sorts of things and throws in funny stickers. When her sister is not at home, she video calls and chats with her friends.
When she comes home from school or does group work, she will gather together and doesn't like to go home early.
When K. saw her mother's messages, she often replied with a yes. Or she sent emojis with the words "Yes", "Ok", "Hihi". Many times, K.'s sister scolded her when she couldn't persuade her, but K. remained the same.
Her sister said that no matter how much she tried to talk to her, her sister would not change. She was even accused of being judgmental.
“He said I often curse, swearing at the slightest thing. But if I stay silent, the atmosphere becomes very tense and heavy. I am the only one who is enthusiastic when talking,” she said.
Even when asked about things like what to buy for her mother for Tet, K. said, "I can buy anything, I don't know."
Communication is an effective way to share and understand each other in the family. However, many young people today are not only lazy to talk directly, lazy to talk on the phone, but also lazy to chat on Zalo, Facebook with relatives.
Meanwhile, parents and siblings want to know their children’s situation to help and intervene when there is a problem. Or simply want to know their children’s interests and desires, but the response is only yes, “whatever”, “it’s up to you”, “you can buy whatever you want”… making parents both sad and angry.
Every day I communicate no more than 10 sentences.
Mr. Phuong Vu (38 years old, living in Long An ) expressed his concern when his 7th grade daughter became less talkative and distant.
“I don’t talk to my parents more than 10 times a day,” he shared. Instead of talking, his daughter spends most of her time playing with her phone, engrossed in watching videos on TikTok and Facebook.
He said that in 2021, when the COVID-19 pandemic forced schools to switch to online learning, he and his wife bought a phone so that their child would have a device to study online. After the pandemic ended and they returned to normal school, the couple planned to "confiscate" the phone, but the child promised to only use it for 30 minutes a day after finishing his homework.
Since grade 4, my child has been an excellent student, but the phone seems to take away his ability to communicate.
During meals, my child gave short answers when asked. He did not speak in long sentences, and could not even maintain a conversation lasting more than a few sentences. “I had the feeling that he could not communicate two or three complete sentences,” he said sadly.
Have you encountered a similar situation? What solutions can you use to get your children to talk to their families instead of communicating “without words” online?
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